Fulfillment

Monday, October 21 was quite possibly the best night of my life. I would normally never say this because... honestly? I don't believe that Mondays have any capability of being anything more than bearable. However, this past Monday was definitely much more than that. 

I ventured further south, into New Orleans, Louisiana to cross off the item on the top of my bucket list - to go to my first concert. Even better... I got to see my favorite band at my first concert. Who honestly has the ability to say that?

All Time Low, if you don't happen to know who they are, are a four-man pop-punk outfit from Baltimore, Maryland. They have been together for over ten years, and in those years, they have managed to gain fans from all over the globe, including me.

Before I begin my post (which, I shall warn you now, will likely include a bit of overexcited rambling), I'm going to give you some recommendations so you can listen and have some sort of understanding of who I'm talking about.

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"Six Feet Under the Stars" (one of my absolute favorite songs by the band):

"The Reckless and the Brave" (the band's opening number):

"Therapy" (a slower track that is played acoustically onstage):

"Dear Maria, Count Me In" (the band's closing number):

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My friend Kristine and I journeyed for three hours to New Orleans, the sweet symphony of electric guitars, drums, and Alex Gaskarth's voice filling our ears. When we arrived, we had to take a small walk to the venue, which was an adventure in itself because I had never seen New Orleans before that night. Streets were lined with small pubs and cafes everywhere I looked in this particular part of the Big Easy, and people of all sorts were strolling what I'd heard was dangerous territory as if it were nothing. It was both disconcerting and intriguing, to say the least.

However, actually stepping foot into the House of Blues was such the most surreal of experiences; I almost feel as if I dreamed it all. Then I feel friction blisters on my sore feet and recall the thud of the bass drum as it reached the deepest corners of my heart... And then I know that I seriously went to my first concert.

The opening act for All Time Low was another, newer pop-punk band called The Wonder Years. I hadn't much listened to their music before, despite the claims I'd heard that they were fantastic. Watching them perform was eye-opening because it was then that I realized that I should definitely give them more of a chance than I have. Their energy onstage was something I had never physically seen in people before, and it was merely because they were there, performing for us... It still warms my heart when I think about it.

There was also something that the lead singer, Dan Campbell said about "finding the fire in our hearts" when he was introducing a song called "Chasers" that really stuck with me. Passion in what one does for a living is something I've striven for practically my entire life, and seeing that people are actually able to break into the public eye through song because they have that much drive is such an inspiration to me.

Now, excuse my loss of control when I say this... 

THEN ALL TIME LOW CAME ONSTAGE. OH, MY GOSH.

I have been waiting to see this band for over three years, and I can now say that it was well worth the wait. Being able to experience something like this when a band is in its prime - wen its members have had so many opportunities to experiment with their sound and broaden their musical horizons - is definitely recommended, in my opinion. From the moment the lights flashed on, and I saw the faces of the men that I've admired for years in person, I was enraptured.

Seriously, though, my heart skipped a good... five beats. It's a wonder that I'm not dead.

The set itself was filled with a delicious combination of laughing, screaming, swearing, and reveling in the sheer magic that is a concert. From the first riffs of "The Reckless and the Brave" to the echoing final notes of "Dear Maria", the energy in the large room filled with a few hundred teenagers was palpable.  We moved and screamed every lyric as one being, rather than several who just happened to be in one place at the same time, and it was one of the most mystifying and incredible experiences I've had thus far.

I felt a kinship with the crowd as Alex stopped singing to hear us by ourselves... We poured every part of our souls into those songs as the band did when they were written and are now performed.  We were united by the efforts of four men who started out in the cutthroat music industry with little else but a van, their dreams, and each other...

...And that is what gets me. Watching these people do what they are doing onstage and truly love every moment of what they are doing is literally the most fulfilling experience in the world to me. In that moment, I honestly lost every worry I had and gave them away to the music because the band was feeling fulfilled as they performed. It is because they are fulfilled in their music-making that I walked out of that venue sweating and breathless in the best way possible.

I want to live at a concert, or at least take an extended vacation for a while and go on tour with a band. Can this be a thing that happens after I graduate?

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After the show, Kristine and I waited by The Wonder Years' equipment bus and ran into an ex-boyfriend of hers and his friend. The friend was quite possibly the biggest fan of The Wonder Years that I had ever met, and he seemed extremely disappointed that he hadn't managed to catch anything that the band threw into the crowd after their set.

I feel as if I did a good deed when I gave him one of the guitar picks used onstage that Kristine had snagged for me. I felt as if someone else could appreciate it more than I could, considering that I didn't very much listen to them. He sort of just looked at me for a long moment... Then he told me that he loved me and that he would buy me an entire pizza. Seriously, just for giving him a guitar pick.

Later on, after about an hour of waiting for All Time Low to come out, Kristine and I were about to leave when one of the roadies told the remains of the crowd that Rian Dawson, their drummer, was about to come out. When I actually saw him, I was... honestly, there are no words for how ecstatic I was. After he encouraged a guy who'd become a drummer because of Rian, and he was about to pass me up, I managed to squeak out in my fit of awe, "Rian! Could you please sign my phone case?"

He flashed a wide smile at me as if he were more than happy to oblige. Now that I look back on it, though, I probably should have gotten something that the ink of a Sharpie would have lasted so much longer on. Nevertheless, I now have Rian Dawson's signature on my favorite Game Boy phone case. My life is now complete, although it shall be even more complete when I meet the other three members of the band.

Whew. I apologize for the length of this post, but I feel as if there was so much to say that I couldn't just type a couple of paragraphs and call it a night. If you read all of this, I applaud you. I leave you with this note as I bid farewell to the world for the night.

- Sara

Virus

I feel as if I am reuniting with a long-lost friend as I begin this post. I know that it's only been about eight days since I last updated; still, I can't help but think that that is a few days too many.

Tonight, I take a route that I feared this blog might take at one point or another... So I suppose I may as well get it out of the way now. I honestly did not want to talk about anything of this sort, but having it shoved in my face every day for the past week or so has sort of pushed everything aside in my head.

I speak... of BELHAVEN SYNDROME.

For the non-natives of this nuthouse learning institution, this particular illness stems from an instantaneous, intense infatuation with someone. For some, this means that a couple will become official in a matter of weeks. For others, this means that a couple will be engaged in mere months after declaring it "Facebook official". Either way, Cupid is making quite a few people stupid.

My group of friends in particular has managed to spread this disgusting disease so quickly and so easily. I'm both amazed and concerned at the same time because honestly, this goes against all of the opinions I'd formed in high school - that relationships take time and effort, and that it's easier to date after getting to know the object of your affections for quite some time.

Yet here I am, accepting the idea that crushes are sprouting like weeds in the garden that is our lovely group of friends. I am even supporting two people that hardly know each other to go into such a serious thing as a relationship.  

What has this place done to me?

Perhaps it is because I happen to hear so much of the problems of the infected majority and empathize - I want them to be happy and to stop claiming that they are going to "spontaneously combust" (in the words of Karis).

It could possibly be the fact that I can relate almost too much to them. There hasn't been much improvement, in terms of my own feelings for the mysterious boy I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. All I really know is that lying in waiting for him to notice me is frustrating.

Ahem.

Either way... Belhaven Syndrome is strong this fall, and it is only growing worse. Who will find a temporary satiation for their aching hearts (as well as all the cuddles one could desire)? Who will be left with a broken heart to pick up and stitch together again?

... Only time will tell. At some other point in time (when it is not one in the morning), the intricacies of the havoc being wreaked upon so many young hearts will be revealed.

- Sara

Lunacy

WARNING: A long post is ahead. Unless you're extremely curious, you don't have to read this. You'll just lack a mental picture of a few of my friends when I mention them, I suppose. Whether you're truly missing out... That's up to you to decide.

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I have now been residing in one of Belhaven University's small but cozy girls' dorms for almost two months. Still, I feel as if time is slowed down here - as if I've actually been here for a year or so. The metaphorical bubble that surrounds this campus seems to be practically impenetrable as well; it's rare to actually manage to get some time off-campus in an attempt to escape from classes and homework.

I feel like I'm slowly going crazy, yet I am fully enjoying the process of losing my sanity. Call it a Stockholm syndrome of sorts. However, I don't think I would be enjoying my time here near as much as I am if I did not have such great people to call my friends that are fully immersed in the absurdity that is college life.

With this post, I take you, the readers, on an expository adventure in which I tell you about some of the many people I may very well find myself next to in a padded room in a short number of years...

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Where to begin? Seriously, I'm at a complete loss. There are so many of us that have come together in such a short time. I don't think anybody will very much mind me writing about them, although (again) I must be careful of what I say - I will never really know who's reading. All I know is that there are some important characters in my tales, but choosing who is more important is like choosing a favorite food - absolutely impossible.

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But since I must, I shall, and I shall begin with... Krista - a short girl with light brown, curly hair and glasses. She is an art major and a self-proclaimed introvert, but there is a lot of doubt as to whether that is true because she is easily excited by the presence of other people. I often see her giggling and running around whatever area our group tends to occupy at any point in time.

I feel a certain kinship with her, and not just because she doesn't look at me oddly, but rather joins in, when I meow at her. She is quite an open-minded person when put in serious discussions and seems to understand and empathize well - after all, we did once stay up until two in the morning, merely talking about life, faith, and all sorts of things. We are actually trying to be able to room together next semester, so who knows, maybe I'll have stories of her and my antics in the spring.

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I don't think I can talk about Krista without next doing so about her boyfriend who she's known for years before they came to Belhaven. Michael is a bright, tall and gangly creative writing major/English minor that towers over all of us. He has light brown, curly hair (which he prefers to keep somewhat short so it doesn't grow out into a Jew 'fro) and glasses. He's something of a cynic and typically uses this facet of his personality to make sarcastic remarks at any point in time.  He is the perfect caricature of the "nerd"; from his obsession with Doctor Who and Joss Whedon to his extensive knowledge of Magic: The Gathering, there is practically nothing in the world of nerd culture that he hasn't been made aware of. Lastly, his fashion sense is akin to a classy gentleman's - dress shirts, ties, and fedoras are practically his uniform.

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The urge to write about Michael's roommate next for the sake of association is strong in this one, so... Josh is the only other male creative writing major in this year's freshman class. He is also a pretty tall, lanky boy with glasses (does anyone sense a pattern here?), but his hair is cut closer to his head and quite fluffy. Josh is possibly the most cynical of all the insane intellectuals with which I surround myself, and he seems to prefer entrapping himself in his own thoughts when put in group situations. He is more often than not observing the conversations we have at meals, and while some find it a little creepy, I find it a bit intriguing because he probably is coming to know us without even being told anything.

I was originally going to mention something about his ability to be brought out of his shell and how amusing it can be, but I feel as if his introversion is truly what makes him so compelling - well, in my opinion, I suppose. I feel as if getting to know him better will prove to be not only a challenge, but an enjoyment as well, because we that keep to ourselves tend to have many layers of thought to peel away to reach that soft center.

Of course, Josh isn't an ogre, by any means! I just wanted an excuse to be able to use that reference.

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Christian and Karis are being written together because... Well, they essentially are together. Despite Christian coming from the same town as I do and having never met Karis until now, the two of them are inseparable. They are both creative writing majors, although Christian is also minoring in theatre.  I feel as if they are twins - not just in terms of appearance (tall with long, wavy hair and glasses; before Karis dyed her hair red, and Christian dyed hers purple, the two used to be confused for each other a lot), but in spirit as well. They seem a bit out of sorts - incomplete, even - when one of them has yet to show up to a meal without reason. 

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Erica is a short, pink-haired art major with an infatuation with oversized sweaters and Korean pop music. She, like Christian and I, comes from a public school system (we are truly the minority here, at Belhaven), and that was the start of our bond. She is the most catlike person I have ever met, as she tends to curl up on the floor, regardless of where she is, and make various noises when she is expressing her emotions. She has a level head on her shoulders except in times of extreme frustration, whether it be at her art or at other people. She has no qualms about cuddling with anyone and absolutely adores having her hair played with.

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April is a short, dirty-blonde creative writing major with a fiery spirit and a heart of gold. At first, she seems a tad off-putting (at least, to an introvert like myself) because she's quite loud. However, as I've gotten to know her, I've noticed that there's more to her than her almost-overwhelming presence.  She has a gentle side to her that many others don't seem to notice. It may come from taking care of horses for so long, or it may just be that she's just another girl with a fragile heart encased in large brick walls. She likes to tease all of the freshmen she's come to know over the past couple of months, and it seems that she's genuinely upset about leaving us after she graduates next spring.

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I would like to think that these are the people that my tales will most concern, but if anyone outside of this particular group comes up, I will be sure to tell you all about them as well. I hope I didn't bore you half to death with my incessant rambling about the people I've come to care most about at this school. Even the thought of leaving for a few days to visit my hometown in a few hours disappoints me slightly because for those days, I won't get to enjoy the presence of any of these fantastic people (besides Christian, but I can see her so much more often)...

Okay, I seriously need to sign off before this post becomes a novel. Until next time!

- Sara

Bewilderment

NOTE: Remember when I said I was only going to post once a week? I don't think that's going to happen. I'm so terrible at keeping up with schedules that you can expect a post... well, whenever I feel like posting. I will write at least one post a week, but if I manage to write more, then that should be a good thing, right?

Now, onward, to the actual blog post!

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By the time this post is published, I will probably have looked over what I have written at least twenty times to make sure I get the point across. Yet, I will always feel as if there is something else to be stated or clarified, and I will probably never be satisfied.

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My topic of discussion in this post is one that pretty much is just going to throw you readers into a small corner of my mixed-up soul for a bit. I wish I had more to talk about tonight, but since this has been on my mind for the better part of a week, I must vent about it to you, mysterious readers.

*crickets* ... If there even are people who read this.

Anyway. I would like to stray away from this persona of a bright college student to talk about matters of the heart. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Ugh, she's one of those girls. She's been in college for less than two months, and she's already trying to get a boyfriend."

In my defense, it isn't as if I was trying to search for someone about whom I feel this way. It just sort of... happened. I am surprised that it happened so soon, too, because I tend to be quite wary when it comes to involving romantic emotions with interpersonal connections. I guess that comes with the territory of playing the role of the rejected in so many situations.

On another note: I'm not so much trying to snag a boyfriend for the sake of trying. I have no desire to pursue a serious relationship so soon when I have four years in college alone to do so. I would much rather enjoy getting to know this particular boy quite well over the course of our time here. However, if at any point in time, a relationship is established, I don't think I would be opposed to that. JUST NOT NOW. What do you think I am, some sort of floozy?

It's just... There's something about this particular boy that catches my eye. We have nothing in common, in terms of mundane things such as preference of Internet browsers (something I like to think is a quite serious matter). However, I feel as if, once he permits me to dig a little deeper (so to speak), and I am able to really get to know him, I will be much more satisfied and able to have a legitimate interest in him, rather than just an acute infatuation.

It's really upsetting, having crushes on people that one barely knows. I personally tend to build this idea of what this person is like, based on what I know, and sort of toy with that idea. Later, when I actually learn that that person isn't what I expected, I'm typically either disappointed or pleasantly shocked that my vision has been contradicted. I am wholeheartedly hoping that the latter occurs this time because, while I don't mind that a boy zigs when I thought he would zag, it's just the most confusing thing ever.

I could ramble forever about how intrigued I am about this boy, but instead, I will leave you with this and try to make more sense of my emotions as time goes on. Here's to hoping that I am able to actually go through with my personal mission.

tl;dr - all of these feelings make me a very confused person.

- Sara

Establishment

... So much for waiting to post until next week. I just couldn't bear to wait that long, especially when I feel as if I'm something of a mystery to what could possibly be more than a handful of readers, in good time. Or, in other words, my life is accurately depicted in one GIF, and I needed to do something to pass the time:

As I stated before, this blog is mainly going to be a collection of posts about my time at Belhaven University, a private Christian college established in Jackson, Mississippi. From my own personal reflections to tales of my adventures with my only slightly-sane group of friends, I hope that this blog is able to paint a fairly pretty picture of what I experience every day.

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I suppose I should start with the fact that, unlike quite a few people here, I actually come from Mississippi - the Gulf Coast, if you want to be specific. One would think that, since I was born and raised in this god-awful state, I would want to leave. That was actually my original plan... Well, until I realized that I had no desire to pay out-of-state tuition.  And that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life when graduation was mere months away. And that I'd be alone in a larger school until I made friends (a difficult feat in itself for me). All in all, I was screwed if I left.

However, I've come to appreciate other places besides the small town from which I come, now that I am away. I now even consider Jackson my new home, rather than a residence. I also now have some semblance of an idea of what I want to do, post-college, and it's all thanks to signing up for information at a college fair so I could have something to look forward to. Well, besides letters about full scholarships to community colleges closer to home.

Three hours' distance between my old home and new home isn't terribly much, but I can say that I was more than a little apprehensive about leaving my mother and sister for so long and for the first time, especially considering our circumstances. The fact that I knew one person from the start because we went to high school together consoled me a bit. Still, this was a huge development for me. Again, I had thought that I was going to have so much difficulty in finding where I belonged - that I would be the one sitting alone at meals or not going to campus events because I would rather enjoy solitude in the comfort of my 11' x 16' dorm room.

If there is one thing I am absolutely ecstatic about being wrong about, it is this. I have somehow managed to find myself wrapped up in the unpredictable antics of a rather large group of people that seem to understand things in a way that I've never been able to see back home. Most of these people are creative writing majors (which tends to have me get confused by many people for one as well, most of the time), but there are a few other majors represented, and I am coming to profusely enjoy the presence of every single person that I spend time with, regardless of the focus in his or her studies.

You will be introduced to many of my friends as I continue to write and give you insight. Listing things all at once is for people who can manage to put their thoughts into concise points - in other words, not me.  Of course, this means that I have to be careful of what I say about who I am talking about (try saying that five times fast) because I know at least one person at this school is aware that this blog exists.

Now, since it is past my bedtime, I really should sign off. Until next week (this time, for sure).

- Sara

Introduction

I start my first post by stating that I apologize for the ridiculously lame title for my introductory post. Given the topic I am writing about, I thought it would be appropriate.

I still wonder exactly why I made one of these in the dead of night, especially when I already have a Tumblr. However, I feel as if this blog will be more... official than my Tumblr, so hopefully, it will become of more use than Tumblr, which has become nothing more to me than a place to vent my fandom-based frustrations.

This blog could very well be considered, in a sense, the (somewhat) physical representation of my journey through the next four years of my life. I doubt very many people that I know will realize who I am on this site, but on the off chance that I am wrong to doubt at any point in time, I say, "Hello, enjoy my posts, but tread lightly; I could possibly scare you."

Another note: if you know me in person, you will probably be disappointed when you realize that I don't speak nearly this eloquently (successfully, anyway) in person. It's a shame, really, that my mind and fingers work many times faster than my mouth. 

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When I mentioned the next four years of my life, you were probably slightly confused, unless you know already of my whereabouts. I will be posting during my years as a student at Belhaven University, a private Christian college located in the heart of Mississippi: Jackson.

"What will I be posting," you ask? 

Well... I'm honestly not sure. There's so much that goes on in my head that I find myself bogged down by my own thoughts quite often. 

You can probably expect an interesting mix of things that make up the Central Station of my mind - introspective thought (and probably a lot of it), what I learn of myself and others (particularly the group of lovely people in which I've found my niche), stories of my adventures, various things in which I'm interested (e.g., music, books, and movies I've come across and want to recommend), and perhaps a bit of an inside look at why I am who I am today (and yes, I am one to tell a lot of stories of my past and present... Hopefully, you don't mind much.) 

Whether these posts will be of meaning or just words spilled upon a Web page that tend to make no sense to anyone but myself, that is unclear.

Overall, you can and should expect madness and confusion with a heaping tablespoon of contentment in the lack of sanity with which my life has been shaped.

"When will I post?"

Keeping up with anything of this sort is difficult for me, honestly. I would love to try to at least post once a week or so - on Thursdays, probably, just because it happens to technically be Thursday, where I am. 

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I suppose those are the only questions with definite answers that I can come up with at nearly one in the morning. Until next week or possibly earlier, where I shall begin to paint the picture of what my life is like now,  I leave you on a note that both accurately describes every waking moment in my life and will probably make you laugh:

- Sara