Celebration

I did say I was going to start posting weekly, and I'm here to fulfill my promise! Of course, I'm going to be writing this post over the course of a couple of days (11/28-29) because I've actually got so much going on this weekend.

You see, I returned to the Gulf Coast on Tuesday to celebrate Thanksgiving break with my second family (aka my best friend, Logan, and her family). I'm practically buzzing with excitement at the thought of spending time with these people when I haven't seen them in three or four months. They're such wonderful people, and knowing that they readily accept me into their home on such an occasion makes my heart swell three times its size.

The reason why I'm here and not with my actual family involves a long story full of sighs and woe, but I'm not going to elaborate on that because it's time to celebrate!

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11/28/2013

The hustle and bustle of Logan's family preparing for a huge Thanksgiving dinner is something I've never really experienced before. My family isn't that big, nor is it very close, so this is a difference I'm more than willing to accept. There's something about watching a family come together, despite the dysfunction of its members, and function together and create such a loving environment. Even just hearing snippets of excited conversation and getting a whiff of all the food people bring in to share while I write makes me think, Wow. This is what Thanksgiving is supposed to be.

This is just... amazing. I don't even care about the obnoxious Christmas music floating through the house (when honestly, November's not even over yet, what even). This is what a proper holiday celebration is, and I absolutely love it. Can I do this every year, please?

And about six hours later, I don't think I've felt so full in such a long time. Thank you, Belhaven, you useless source of sustenance. I'm reveling in this comatose state that has settled upon the entire house, post-gorging. I could definitely get behind having this become a normal thing that happens.

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11/29/2013

Excuse the sudden change in tense, but I'm doing the normal recounting of events instead of writing while the events happen. It just seems easier to me. Ahem.

Today was another day worth celebrating. I mean, I turned eighteen years old; how awesome is that? It feels odd, being able to say that I'm (in legal terms) an adult. However, I still feel like I'm the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen. I know the understanding that I just turned a year older won't kick in for a while, but maybe it's this milestone that I've reached that's getting me. I can easily do so much more than I could just yesterday: buy tobacco products, vote, get a real job besides working fast food restaurants, the works.

Not only that, but I am no longer legally bound to my mother. Well, somewhat, because Mississippi has weird emancipation laws that say you have to be 21 before you're completely on your own, but that's beside the point. The point is that I am no longer required by law to obey her every command. It's liberating because, although I've never had much problem with listening to her before, I simply have the choice not to. Independence is what I've been striving for all this time, and just knowing that I'm on my own when it comes to most of my decision-making is both thrilling and terrifying.

Oh, and if you're wondering if anything amazing happened in the world outside of my own head, you're in luck. I had Olive Garden for the first time today. Now THAT is worth celebrating. I seriously don't get why I haven't been there before? This is a sad life I have been living - one that I can't be sure if I really want to accept.  All I know is that I just wanted all of that delicious food (especially the shrimp ravioli) and uuuuuuughhhh -- *curls into a ball of sadness on the floor*

Aside from that... As a whole, my birthday was a pretty uneventful, yet amazing one because I was surrounded by people that love me and actually wanted to make sure that today was a great day for my sake. Knowing that just warms my heart because not many people go out of their way for others like that. It still amazes me, that people still do that in this world filled with selfishness and cruelty.

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Now that the celebrating is over, and I have to return to Belhaven tomorrow for finals, I will say that this has been a satisfying Thanksgiving break. After a lot of thought, I'm not exactly sure if my Christmas break will be as great, but I think that as long as I am able to surround myself with the right people, I will be okay.

- Sara

Exhaustion

Wow, this is the third time that I haven't posted in over a week... I need to stop this. Ideas are always buzzing around in my head like little bumblebees, but I never remember to expand upon these ideas in posts until days later. 

I think it's high time I stick with a schedule.

So... From now on, you can expect posts every Saturday. I feel as if I can stick to the schedule this time, especially since I don't do very much on Saturdays. You guys have all rights to virtually chastise me for not posting if I happen to forget that hey, it's that time of the week.

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One would think that because I haven't posted in a couple of weeks that I would have plenty of amazing things to share. Sadly, the opposite is true, unless you find the thought of me ripping my hair out at the thought of all of my assignments riveting. I had always heard that college was so much easier than high school because students have so much more independence in regards their studies.

However, I'm slowly learning that in all actuality, a college freshman - especially one that comes from a public school - must learn that the professors are not going to remind him or her to stick to a schedule and should keep track of when assignments are due *gasp* by themselves. It's no wonder my to-do list is haunting my nightmares.

And I suppose that I should mention my reason for not getting this post up last week. Honestly, I had all sorts of opportunities over the course of the week, and I really wanted to share something with you! Let's just say that it's impossible to blog when you constantly feel as if you're ready to curl into a ball in your room and die.

Last Friday, I fell victim to a nasty cold that seemed to have been spreading like wildfire across campus. I'm still not sure if it was because the weather in Mississippi is so inconsistent, and my body couldn't keep up... Or if it was because my immune systems sucks so much that simply eating from the same can of Pringles as Josh (who had been getting over a cold at the time) was deemed an opportunity for disease to rear its ugly head.

Either way, the weekend was a blur of countless hours of sleep, pounding headaches, fuzzy vision, and what seemed to be an endless search for medicinal relief. Luckily, between Triston (a psychology major with dyed black hair and an odd infatuation with Miley Cyrus) and Karis, I was stocked with enough medicine for weeks. I can't tell you how many cough drops I sucked on or how many cups of orange juice I drank in an attempt to rush myself back to health.

I'm still in shock about the fact that they gave me so much out of the kindness of their hearts. I've... never had that happen before. I'm not sure if it's because nobody wants to be sick away from home and can't be taken care of or merely because people just have kind enough hearts to help someone in need.

It feels nice, though. 

I'm happy to be able to say that I have great friends that are more than willing to help in a time of need. It's just another reason why I enjoy being a student at Belhaven, I suppose.

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To make up for the lack of interesting posts, I am working on a couple of ideas that I hope to be able to show you in the next couple of weeks. Please bear with the overwhelmed college student as she treads a sea of papers and finals before the sweet relief of the holidays.

- Sara

UPDATE (11/27/2013): I thought I was done suffering, but something out there is watching and laughing at me as it wreaks havoc on my body. I seem to have picked up a case of pink eye, although in its beginning stages, it's hard to tell. All I know is that my eye is really red and in pain. If it starts spewing gunk, I'm going to cry. I CAN'T HANDLE THIS BEFORE FINALS.

Conviction

I think that tonight, I am finally going to be able to think about something that takes a bit of digging to really put into words. I don't want to become that superficial blogger that only talks about her interpersonal relationships and daily antics that she gets up to.

Tonight... I speak of my personal beliefs. *ominous crash of thunder*

Honestly, if I had created this blog a couple of years ago, I would definitely not have considered taking this route. I was utterly against discussing anything that related to spirituality and faith when I was a young and stupid teenager. Of course, I'm still a young and stupid teenager now, but I'd like to think that I'm significantly less stupid...

Still, I'm more open to discussing this sort of thing, even with whoever happens to read this blog. With that, we take a trip on my cerebral railway system (please keep all extremities in the cart at all times)...

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When I was quite young, I considered myself a Christian. My mom attempted to raise my sister and me as Catholic because her family was, and my dad had little to no interest in going to church (for what reason, I'm still unsure). I openly accepted the Sunday school lessons, complete with "Jesus loves you" mantras, but did not think of church as much more than merely something to do on Sundays. I slept or played Pokémon on my worn Game Boy during Mass because, really, what child would want to sit down in a pew for an hour and listen to the service?

For a short time, we also attempted to go to a Baptist church in my hometown because it was closer, and while I preferred the less formal approach to how the service was held, I realized that I could never understand what was going on. At nine or ten years old, I seemed to think that the Bible just... didn't make sense to me. I began to wonder just what it was that kept me there.

As I got older and circumstances grew worse, my mom stopped forcing my sister and me to go to church, and my doubt in the word of God grew. By the time I was fourteen, I believed I was an atheist because I just didn't get church, and I didn't want to get it. I was by no means one of the smug, elitist atheists that I used to come across back home, but I refused to talk about religion because the idea of someone believing I didn't think existed... Well, it pissed me off, to put it bluntly.

Over the course of the next couple of years, I attempted to find my faith again because I was tired of having my mother tell me that I had a place reserved for me in hell (which honestly didn't make sense to me, considering that atheists don't believe in hell). I tried going back to the Baptist church I went to as a child, only to find out that something didn't sit well with me. I felt as if I didn't belong. It seemed like there was a neon sign hanging over me that flashed in large letters: "I AM AN ATHEIST. MAKE ME FEEL UNWELCOME."

I feel as if those years of my life weren't terrible, despite the lack of faith I had in any sort of God. I managed to open myself up to all sorts of learning when it came to religion and philosophy. I considered myself agnostic from the time I was sixteen or so until now because I was so receptive to others' ideas that I couldn't just... not believe in something. It seemed impossible not to. I just didn't know what it was that I believed.

Still, there was one religion I knew next to nothing about, aside from the biased points made in all of the arguments between my friends that were believers and those who were not - Christianity. The only things I did know came from my friend Shelby, a devout Roman Catholic who was more than happy to teach me a good bit of what she knew. Part of the reason I came to a Christian university was to learn more about the religion and find where I stood with God...

... And today, almost three months into my first semester at Belhaven, I am able to say with utmost confidence that I feel God calling me to Him. Thanks to the teaching of His word that I've been receiving (both in school and at the church I've been going to in my time here), as well as the advice and encouragement from my friends, I have learned that I don't have to make sense of everything to know that the Lord is there for me when I fall. He has been there all of these years, even when I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that He didn't exist, and He will continue to be there for me, no matter what I do.

A side note: the church in which I've found my niche is an absolutely perfect fit for me. Fondren is a contemporary nondenominational church, which is great for someone like me - a person who needs space for ideas to roam and can't take very much of strict rules and traditions. The services are just a few songs and praise (with Scripture and all), but I honestly have never felt so at home in a church before. My heart feels as if it's close to bursting every time I step foot into the service because I'm just so happy to know that these people can come together for God's word and truly love one another.

Anyway... I'm using this time as my way of thanking God for giving me all of these opportunities, as well as to say that I am so glad to have come this far in my journey to Him.

Thank you.

- Sara