Reflection

I know I already posted this week, but I figured I should reflect upon the past year. This is sort of a personal post, and I apologize for bleeding my heartguts on this page to you all. Still, bear with me, okay?

Everyone is saying that 2013 has kind of sucked, but honestly? I think this has been one of the best years that I've had in a long time.

I started my year, unsure of where I was going after high school. The only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted out – out of the town I'd called home for so long that didn't feel like home and out of the situations that I'd been stuck in the middle of because I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was done trying to make those problems my own when I had so many opportunities to make my own life.

I had done a lot of trying to figure myself out, and I had made some great friends during my time in my hometown, but I still felt like something was missing. I felt… empty. I felt as if even though I’d made friends, there was still something inside of me that said, “You’re alone, Sara. Nobody really knows what’s going on. You’re alone, and you’re always going to be if you don’t get out of here.”

So I did. After I graduated and spent what was probably the most terrible summer of my life doing nothing but crying, fighting, and attempting to escape my troubles in ways that I now regret, I left and didn't look back.

Four months later, I can safely say that I've never been happier in my life. Sure, I lost a lot (in terms of both friendships and material possessions), but I've gained so much more that it makes up for it.

I've figured out who my true friends back home are. I can only count all of them on one hand. It’s definitely not a bad thing; I was actually expecting to not have any at all. I've realized that after seeing these people over various holidays that they have helped shape me into who I am today. I'm eternally grateful that they've been here for me and still continue to be here for me, even though i’m busy with another life away from them.

I went to college. That in itself is such a huge feat, since I’m the first person in my immediate family to go to college for more than one semester. I had to work hard for the money that went towards my education (and take out a couple of loans), but it was so worth it.

I’ve been able to do so much soul-searching in my time in school. I thought I knew myself upon leaving home, but I was wrong. Coming to Belhaven and doing what I thought was the last thing I wanted to do – that is, converting to Christianity – has helped me become a much better person. When I arrived home, the habits and people that enabled me to indulge in them didn't feel right anymore. My old life didn't feel right because I'd grown, and it's hard to fit large things in small packages.

I've made so many new friends. I’m baffled because I've never been able to say that I am part of a large group of friends before. I've built relationships with people so different from each other, and we've created such a beautiful bond in such a short time. We’re all a bunch of nerds on the surface, but underneath every one of these people lies a heart that beats for Christ and knows deep down how to be a great person and friend. We've shared so much with each other and helped each other in rough times already, and it's only been a few months. There’s still a lot that nobody knows about me yet, and I’m sure they’ll learn eventually. I know in my heart, though, that they won’t judge me for my past – only make sure that my future with them is better.

All in all, I've lost and gained so much in 2013, and I've become a new person. I hope that 2014 lets me put this character development to good use because I really feel that next year’s going to be great… Especially if I have my friends by my side. It’s a shame that we’re not going to be together until Sunday, but i’m sure all of us are thinking this same thing.

Thank you, 2013. Thank you for being a great year – for making me feel alive instead of like i’m merely existing. It’s been wonderful, but it’s time to say,

“... Goodbye.”

Universe

Hello, blogosphere! I apologize for updating much later than I normally do. I was struggling to come up with a decent topic until late last night (or this morning, depending), but by then, I was much too tired to even consider blogging.

I suppose, before I begin, the obligatory Christmas update is necessary. I had a pretty decent time myself – I had dinner with some of my extended family and survived the barrage of questions about my time in college thus far. After returning home for a nap, I spent the entire evening with a cup or two of eggnog and all of the cartoon holiday specials I could find online.

I will say that this Christmas had a different significance to me than the past few have. It wasn't just because I actually had the chance to go out and celebrate, either. My "new heart", so to speak, provided for me a new meaning to the holiday. I'd always acknowledged that Christians celebrated the birth of Jesus, but this year was probably the first that I'd truly come to celebrate as well.

In short, I was really content this Christmas. But now that the holiday is over, it's time to put the tinsel and ribbons away and get started on this post!

---

I mentioned something about cartoons before. Yes, even as an eighteen-year-old college freshman, I will admit that I enjoy cartoons. 

Sadly, the overall quality of cartoons has greatly diminished since the days of my childhood. Lazy writing and animation that crews use because they assume children won't know the difference, fast-paced scenes that can be a little hard to follow at times, and and blatantly stupid humor for the sake of trying to be "LOL SO RANDOM" are all abundant in the worst way. 

Yet every so often, there comes a new cartoon that breaks this mold and appeals to not only children but people outside of the demographic (such as myself) as well. I may or may not have binge-watched this series yesterday, so I felt my need to share with all of you!

Steven Universe, pre-redesign

Steven Universe is a Cartoon Network series created by former Adventure Time storyboard artist/writer/composer Rebecca Sugar. 

Now, almost everyone saw Adventure Time as a typical kids' show at first glance – I mean, who would assume anything more when the plot's focus is on a boy and his magical dog? However, as the plot and characters developed, older viewers began to notice that there was much more to the show than Finn and Jake's antics in the Land of Ooo. I won't spoil it for anyone, so in order to figure out what I mean, you're going to have to watch for yourself. ;)

With Sugar taking the position of head honcho, I have no doubt that Steven Universe will no doubt do the same. Sadly, with only seven eleven-minute episodes released since the premiere in early November, only time will tell whether the prediction will come true.

Steven Universe, post-redesign

The plot involves the protection of the world by four intergalactic warriors collectively known as the Crystal Gems: Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven.

The origin of the group's name derives from the special gemstones embedded in every member's body. These gems give special abilities such as the summoning of a weapon and shapeshifting, among other, more specialized powers.

The Gems have taken on the roles of older siblings, mentors, and maternal figures to Steven while he learns how to use his powers and live together in a combination house and magical crystal temple in Beach City.

The show's eponymous character is the youngest and only male member of the Crystal Gems on Earth. He was born to Greg Universe and Rose Quartz, a former member of the Gems who gave up her physical form to give birth to Steven. She passed on her gemstone, a rose quartz, to Steven, thus giving him the powers of a Gem. This gem is embedded in his belly button and summons a shield (although he has yet to figure out how to summon it at will).

He is a happy-go-lucky boy, eager to prove his worth as a Crystal Gem. He has yet to master any magical abilities, and the ones he has learned have thus far landed him in sticky situations. Like many children, he tries to solve problems that he comes across himself before seeking help, but makes up for his trouble-making by remaining optimistic and confident in himself.

The biggest mystery that surrounds Steven lies in his means of summoning his magical powers. In 1x01, "Cookie Cat", he believes that eating his favorite ice cream is the answer, although he is soon proven wrong. In 1x07, "Bubble Buddies", however, he inadvertently summons a crystal bubble when saving his friend/love interest, Connie from being crushed by a falling rock. Fans speculate that love, or maybe any strong positive emotion, is the key.

Garnet is the unofficial leader of the Crystal Gems. Her gems are garnets that are embedded in the palms of her hands. She uses them to summon a pair of gauntlets that she wears more often than not. She also has psychokinetic abilities and can sense the structural integrity of structures just by looking at them.

She is a strong, stoic woman that Steven looks up to as a mentor. She seems to have much more faith in Steven's ideas than the other Gems do, and she protects him from Pearl and Amethyst's constant bickering.

It should also be noted that because of her position, the other Gems don't treat her as they do each other. Pearl isn't as condescending to Garnet as she is to others, and Amethyst doesn't mind taking orders from Garnet as she does from anyone else.

Amethyst is considered the comic relief of the Crystal Gems. Her gem is an amethyst embedded in her chest that she uses to summon an energy whip.

She is the loudest and most care-free of the Gems. She doesn't have very good manners and prefers to be messy, making her the least likely to be a good role model to Steven. However, she does tend to partake in different activities with him more and enjoys roughhousing with him.

She's also very indulgent – she doesn't have to eat or sleep, yet she does just because she likes to.

Pearl is the mental powerhouse of the Crystal Gems whose gem is a pearl embedded in her forehead. She uses it to summon a a magic spear and can conjure holographic images with it, and she is seen to collect swords as well.

She is quite graceful, controlled, and a perfectionist. She puts an extensive amount of thought and reason into her plans, which results in her getting flustered when her plans don't go perfectly. She can also be condescending at times when she thinks her plans are better than someone else's (usually Amethyst's).

She is the most motherly of the Gems, making sure that Steven doesn't get into any trouble and is deeply concerned for his safety. 

The best thing about this show to me is that it has broken so many molds that its predecessors have created. Steven Universe is the first Cartoon Network series that features a female as its main creator. Animation has been a sexually-segregated industry for so long, and aside from a few exceptions in the past (although they're far and few between), men have dominated this particular realm of entertainment... But luckily, things are changing for the better, by the look of it!

Speaking of gender norms, Cartoon Network probably raised a few eyebrows when this show premiered because it has been notorious for its desire to lure boys to the network with a plethora of superhero and science-fiction shows.  However, it seems that this show has broken down the barrier between masculine and feminine. There are plenty of monsters and action scenes to appeal to the boys, but the emotional notes that strike the viewers so delicately in scenes such as Steven's bonding with his single father appeal to the girls as well. All of this is wrapped up in an aesthetically-pleasing environment that is reminiscent of a vintage video game and tied with a bow of whimsical fun.

In addition, the characters themselves are very diverse in terms of appearance. All three of the Crystal Gems have distinct character designs with different body types, skin colors, and facial features. The representation of female characters that aren't thin, white, and conventionally attractive here is slowly becoming more common in media today, and it's nice to see that children of this generation are going to be able to see that it's okay to be different – that you can still kick serious butt if you don't look like everyone else!

I can't say I have any complaints about the show as of right now, but when it continues its run in January, I'll be more than happy to discuss them. Until next year! ... Literally, since it actually will be 2014 next week. Whoa.

- Sara

Salvation

I'm probably going to regret beginning this post at 3:30 in the morning, but for some inexplicable reason, I have no desire to sleep and the itch to tell a story. I apologize in advance for any oddities due to the witching hour's effects on my thought process, but as Ernest Hemingway once said, "Write drunk; edit sober."

... I think that could apply, even though I'm merely sleep-deprived.

Anyway.

If you've been keeping track of my posts, you'll know that I've been going through this spiritual transformation of sorts. I arrived at Belhaven with a firm belief in agnosticism (which, now that I think about it, seems oxymoronic because agnosticism stems from uncertainty). However, after taking the chance to start learning about just what Christianity is about and with the help of some great people, I was pushed to precariously balance on the edge of and fall from the metaphorical cliff of independence.

In less flowery words, I was saved.

I almost refrained from posting about this, knowing that it's an incredibly personal topic. However, I felt as if I was close to bursting last week, when it was still fresh in my mind... So I thought it was worthy of sharing with whoever happens to be reading this.

I was troubled with this question of how to trust in Him when it seemed as if I was doing relatively well already. Not only that, but I wasn't quite sure how to admit that I was afraid of not being completely in control of myself. In words that weren't nearly as eloquent, I gathered the courage to reach out for help from Josh.

Struggling to put my thoughts into spoken words is difficult, but doing so with written words is much harder when you're not even sure what to say. I had been struggling with asking questions when I suddenly got a call, and Josh and I ended up discussing this over Skype for over an hour. I wish I could say I wasn't scared to answer some of the questions I was asked without lying, and there were points in the conversation where I was thinking, 'Just what am I doing? Is this really what's right?'

Still, being able to have some questions that I've never asked anyone before answered and to answer questions that nobody had tried to ask me before was one of the most... surreal experiences. I felt so vulnerable, telling all of this to this boy I've only known for a few months, but for some reason, it felt like that short span of time didn't matter. I hadn't even realized that I was beginning to cry until after Josh had told me the story of the Gospel and explained just what being a Christian entailed, and he asked me, "Do you still want to be a part of all of this?"

Of all of the struggles and hardships in searching for oneself and glorifying Him in all that I can do? Of not being sure all of the time and having to reach out for help, just as I had that night? Of giving myself up to God and knowing that I don't control my life anymore? I had to pause for a long moment to think: 'Do I really want this?' 

My heart had said yes long ago - otherwise, I don't think I'd have chosen to even come to Belhaven (even if it did have a phenomenal English department) if I weren't open to God's word. Still, something in my head had stalled me - almost as if someone were holding a switch in there between on and off, trying to keep whatever that switch controlled off. And yet, there was a still stronger force than my mind calling to me, beckoning me to His glory, wrapping me in His love. I'd never felt so full of warmth when I prayed with Josh that evening to become one of His daughters - when I said, "Yes."

Of course, I still have a lot to learn. When does anyone not? It's a journey that never ends until the day one leaves this earth - one that I hope to enjoy wholeheartedly from now on with Christ in my heart and all around me.

"Welcome to the family."

- Sara

Typology

I was fully ready to post this days ago because I had so much time on my hands to actually sit down, research, and write. However, something so indescribable happened earlier today that I crave to write about. I almost considered saving this post for later, but I figured that since I'd put so much effort into it, I may as well put it up today.

I promise you, there will come a time when I'll write about this amazing experience of mine. I just don't think now is the right time, when I can barely make sense of it all. Soon, though. Soon...

---

Over the past couple of months, I have taken quite an interest in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment. I first learned about this test in a general psychology class I took my junior year, and I was fascinated from the start. I adored the fact that after answering a few yes/no questions, people could be categorized and compared to one another with ease.

If you haven't heard of this before, look no further!

The MBTI test was designed to measure people's preferences in how they make decisions and perceive the world, and it categorizes people into sixteen types. These types are made up of various combinations of these dichotomies: 

• extraversion* vs. introversion (one's attitude towards the world)
• sensing vs. intuition (how one takes in information)
• thinking vs. feeling (how one makes decisions)
• judging vs. perceiving (one's openness to structure)

My friends and I have discussed the credibility of MBTI a few times, and it's always interesting to hear how the world is shaped in other's perspectives... or should I say worldviews?

*is shot for using Belhaven terminology and then revived using the magic of the internet*

WARNING: I apologize for the excessive use of one particular type as an example from here on. I hope you are able to take something out of this post, despite the blithering on about INFPs.

I've also started comparing the types of my friends more often, too.

For example, I asked Michael how he managed to study so well during finals week. He mentioned something about being able to compartmentalize so much material with such ease because he needs structure to live. I was confused until I remembered moments later that he's an INTJ - the analyzer of the MBTI. I'd always wished I could be an INTJ when I was younger because they're so great at putting things together/taking good notes and studying well with no qualms and I just... wasn't.

He also mentioned how odd it was for me to be able to take the world in stride and be content while knowing there was so much to be done. I explained to him that my work ethic either focuses on putting so much effort into something until it's perfect or literally forcing myself to do something because I don't find it important enough to do until the last minute. It's only natural for an INFP like me because deadlines are relative to importance (to me, anyway). Needless to say, he looked more than a little concerned at the thought.

Another thing that I've noticed is that it's impossible to use this test as a guide to one's personality because this merely measures one's cognitive functions. Even people with the same type as you can act so different from you that you wonder how in the world that person is the same type!

Christian is actually an INFP as well, believe it or not. Most people tend to get very confused when I mention this because she's much more outspoken than I am. However, they tend to use the term "introversion" in the context that is both more common and incorrect in today's world. Introversion is present when one draws their energy from him/herself rather than from others. People mistake introversion for shyness just because they just so happen to come together more often than not. One can be sociable and open for conversation, but he or she may not be able to handle it for extended periods of time without feeling drained.

A little-known fact that I've come across is that some people take subtypes into consideration. These subtypes (24 in each type) are created using the order of traits that one receives as a result from highest to lowest. It's odd to think that a simple rearrangement of the letters can affect people so much. For example,  I am an IPNF (one of the most stable INFP subtypes) because I scored highest on introversion, then perceiving, so on and so forth. This may also explain why Christian is so different from me as well - her traits may just be ranked differently.

Lastly, it's odd to think that one person could be one type at a certain point in his or her life, yet they grow into another type later in life! I believe I used to be an INTP when I was younger. I hadn't taken the test, but I do remember having a significant preference for using reason rather than my emotions when making a decision. I'm not sure when or how that changed over the course of my life, but here I am... wishing that I could return to being a thinker and being able to think things through a little better before I act. *sigh*

Since I'm only beginning to research this stuff, I really can't give an in-depth blog post about all of the types and functions and how they work. But hey, maybe I piqued someone's interest enough to do some research of their own. If you're really into this sort of thing, there are plenty of people roaming the internet and sharing their knowledge of this silly little test.

P.S.: For any fellow INFPs that stumble upon this post, you may enjoy this list of traits that I found:

creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can't control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic

P.P.S. If you want to look into subtypes, there are plenty of pages floating around on the interwebs that will satiate your curiosity. I know this blog post in particular discusses the subtypes of the INFP.

Happy typing, everyone!

- Sara

* Keep in mind that MBTI uses extraversion instead of the more common extroversion. I never understood why until recently, and I thought you guys might like to know the reason! 

 The prefix "extra-" (when used to mean "out of/outward/outside") is actually more correct  than"extro-", in terms of Latin etymology. However, since "extro-" looks nicer to the eye and mirrors "intro-" better, a lot of people tend to use it more often.

Relief

December 27, 2013 marks a monumental milestone of my life... I have finally completed my first semester of freshman year of college!!

*throws confetti for a week straight*

The upcoming break feels so much more rewarding after this week. I don't think I have ever been so exhausted in my life, and that's saying something because I've once stayed awake for over forty hours.

It wasn't too bad at first, when I was watching my friends cram for their exams while I studied at my own pace. I didn't have anything to really do until Friday, so the urgency of how important these exams could be didn't kick in until the night before, when I stayed up in the student center with Michael and Nicole (a sophomore art major with shoulder-length brown hair and a big heart) until 1:30 the next morning... meaning that I had 7 hours until my exam.

I had gotten a lot done, but I still felt as if I needed to continue studying, so I typed up some notes that I had taken from a study group earlier and sent them to my friend James, as he asked me to. By the time I finally shut down my computer, it was 3:10 AM, and I woke up a mere three hours and forty minutes later.

Six hours and two finals later on Friday, I thought I was finished with everything until I realized that I still had a paper to write that was due at 8:30 on Saturday morning. Because I have this absolute inability to write papers in a short amount of time, I literally worked all night until it was finished... four hours before it was due.

This is where it starts getting a little crazy, folks.

I had to seriously consider whether or not I was going to make another pot of coffee and chug it down as if my life depended on it so I could survive the morning. In the end, Christian (who had been keeping me company while working on her paper) convinced me to sleep for a couple of hours because I was already running on so little.

Those couple of hours somehow turned into four or five hours, and I woke up to Krista telling me that it was almost 10:00. I don't think I've ever bolted out of bed so quickly or sworn so much in one breath before, honestly. I managed to get to my professor's house (where he was holding the final) in a mere thirty minutes to turn my assignments in, but I still wish I would have thought doing what I did through a little better.

SO the moral of the story is:

1. Do not leave papers unfinished until the night before they're due because all-nighters are inevitable and will exhaust you the next day.
2. Do not leave papers unfinished until finals week is over because you're going to be exhausted and probably will turn in a pile of word vomit.
3. JUST DO YOUR PAPERS ON TIME, AND YOU'LL BE OKAY.

Now that the semester is finally over, though, I can't help but look back and feel content. Sure, I've done some stupid things, but I've also done some really cool things, and isn't that how life is supposed to work? I've managed to learn the basics of both life at Belhaven and in college in general, and I while I know that there's so much more to learn, just knowing that I've finally built the foundation of the next four years of my life is so exciting and fulfilling to me.

And the best thing about it is that I won't be going through this learning process alone.

I'm not sure if this sudden fit of emotional overload is due to exhaustion or sincere fondness or a combination of the two. However, I do know that I have made many wonderful friends in such a short time, and it still amazes me that I've managed to find so many people that I consider my family at Belhaven. We may act stupid, geek out over silly things, and have too many inside jokes to count, but there are times that I realize that there is more to our friendship than that. 

I'm able to talk to these people in ways that I don't think I've really ever been able to in the past, and it's just beautiful. I'm looking forward to the spring semester with all of my heart because I'm going to be able to spend it with all of these wonderful people. It's going to suck, not sitting at our normal table in the cafeteria and watching all of them buzz with excitement just from being in each other's presence, but the Internet will satiate our need to communicate for this long month. Just... I thank God every day for blessing me with the opportunity to meet so many great people and become so close to them. I pray with all of my heart that He wants us to stay friends beyond these next few years. I feel that if we are meant to stay in each other's lives, then He has already interwoven our paths so we can stay connected.

All I can do is hope, though. Hope and enjoy the time that I have with them now. After all, it's only been one semester.

- Sara