So much for posting on Saturday... Let's try this again. I'd love to give a long, insightful post about what has been on my mind for the past week, but I'm honestly not quite sure how to put a large part of it into words. I do, however, have a particular moment from today that I feel is worth sharing. Yesterday morning, a few friends and I sat in our normal row in front of Fondren Church's stage. I pulled out my Bible and notebook as I do every Sunday, ready for the service... until the pastor mentioned that there may not be enough room for everyone without putting people on the stage to act as a choir. The five of us (Kerry, Nathan, Erica, Trianne, and myself) looked at each other before agreeing to sit onstage if necessary. It was both necessary and... wonderful, to say the least. When the band started playing the first song of the service, the kick of the bass drum seemed to reverberate from my chest outward – as if someone were kicking a pedal against my heart to keep it beating. I had been a bit nervous to sit onstage at first, where so many people could see me. However, for some reason, being surrounded by music played by such talented people in the name of God for fellow people of God... There was something different in the words I sang to Him that morning. They felt so much more... real than they have before. Like they really meant something – like I was baring the deepest, darkest, most misunderstood parts of my soul and spilling them out for Him to see. My heart ached with the most intense desire – no, need – I'd ever felt in my life when I sang out, "Show me Your glory... Show me Your glory." And nothing compares to that feeling, my friends. I wish I had more to say, but I don't think there's much else to say. So until I do have more to say, I leave you with this song (the one I referenced above):
I apologize for not posting as normal on Saturday. I had tried so hard to make sure I could post, but spur-of-the-moment group outings kept me from doing so. To make up for that, you will get two posts this week – one today and one on Saturday. Capisce?
I'm going to use tonight as an opportunity to share with you all a piece of my soul... so to speak, anyways. For all that are reading this and know me in person, you may know that music is an incredibly important part of my life. For any of you that don't know that or don't know me... I have permanently marked my body in gratitude to music. Do the math. One particular hobby of mine concerning music is making playlists. Taking beautiful songs that can be interpreted in many different ways and mashing them together into one convenient list can be a daunting task. However, there is little that is more fulfilling than compiling a perfect playlist – of hearing the tracks flow together seamlessly and create a story within their lyrics. That story could be about a time in your life that, to you, needed commemoration, or about someone that makes you feel such a way that you can't put it into words, but those artists can. I have an ongoing project that I started a few months ago: a playlist about my time at Belhaven. All of the songs on this playlist remind me of something that has happened or a person that I've met that has become an important part of my life. There are a few particular songs that deserve a spotlight mention, and hopefully, if you listen to them, you'll find them enjoyable or even relatable... But that's for you to figure out for yourself. --- Two notes before I begin:
Because I wrote an entire post about them last time (and probably will at some point in the future), I will not be including any All Time Low in this list.
Should you enjoy any of these and want to look into the artists more, the format of the song listing is song - artist (album).
Airship Pirate - Abney Park (Lost Horizons)
This song is one of the first songs that comes to mind when I think of all of my friends. It all started with this insane idea for a (book? TV? I'm not even sure anymore) series in which many ofg us are a part of this airship pirate crew in a steampunk alternate universe. The hype surrounding the idea may have died down since its origination, but I still can't help but remember how many times this song (or this album, for that matter)was played while brainstorming for this story.
We Are Sex Bob-Omb - Sex Bob-Omb (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World OST) After a movie night to celebrate my eighteenth birthday, this entire soundtrack brings to mind nothing but memories of great friends and delicious pizza. I wasn't sure which song I wanted to include here at first because this entire soundtrack is a must-listen. Then, I reminded myself of the night we watched this movie and how this song charged my dorm's lobby with a palpable energy and intrigued my friends (many of whom hadn't seen the movie before), and a light bulb flashed in my head. This is the song. I have to put this one in.
Sadie Hawkins Dance - Relient K (The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek)
As a faithful lover of pop-punk, I was shocked that my friends actually had heard of this band. I was even more shocked to learn that they actually knew more of their songs that I did. I shouldn't have been surprised, considering that Relient K is a Christian band... Yet I could do nothing but watch in a mix of amusement and awe while a small portion of my friend group sat with me on a stone table in the middle of the night, all of them singing this song without missing a beat.
Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys (AM)
Since, according to some of my friends, I am a hipster, I must have this overwhelming inclination to listen to indie music. Therefore, I feel the need to introduce one of the more recent bands to come into the public eye to you all. The guitars and bass provide this ... addictive, almost sultry groove that hypnotizes me. It's no wonder I had this song on repeat for a couple of weeks... And it doesn't help that this song is probably the most accurate representation of my romantic life at the moment. I'm just going to leave it at that.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
A part of my playlist is devoted to songs that are played in a class I am taking this semester that combines music and various worldviews. I've only been in this class for two weeks, so there isn't much for me to mention here, but I really enjoy it so far. I won't include videos, but if you're intrigued, look them up and take a listen!
Losing My Religion - R.E.M. (Out of Time)
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2 (The Joshua Tree)
After a month of doing practically nothing in two different towns, I have happily returned to my home at Belhaven! I enjoyed the break from classes and homework, but I could not fully immerse myself in the break because... well, I just wasn't where I belonged. I've come to consider this place home, which is odd because I was so hesitant to come at first.
Still, there is something in me that isn't completely adjusted to being back.
Spending my entire Christmas break ignored and lonely (aside from the texts and Skype calls from my friends) has made me both value and despise alone time. I love my family in small doses, but I cannot be around any of them for too long because I get so stressed by them that I just shut down. Combine that with my overwhelming desire to come back to my friends on-campus, and my family probably thought I was depressed when they saw how much time I spent away from everyone. And yet... Now that I'm back, I'm not nearly as open to being around everyone as I thought I would be upon returning. I missed them with all of my heart, but I'm so used to being alone that I can't be around a large group of people for more than a few hours at a time. At first, it just feels as if I'm mentally tired and overstimulated, but then something else that rarely comes to me sets in. You know that feeling you get when you're uncomfortable in a situation – that heart-clenching, adrenaline-spiking, fight-or-flight sensation? That's what I get when I'm around people for too long now. These spurts of intense introversion combined with the multitude of things I've been reflecting on lately have given me this intense desire to escape. As a result, I've begun to wander the campus in search of a place to just... stew in my thoughts for a little while. One of the best things about Belhaven is that because it's so small, it's quite easy to explore and find all sorts of nooks and crannies to hide and ponder in. Between journaling and prayer, I'll find myself sitting in one place for over an hour before I realize that I need to eat or warm up or something. I'm hoping that this is a temporary thing because I'm not at all used to such an overwhelming need for time alone, even as an extreme introvert. I love being introspective and giving myself the time to think, but I don't want to withdraw... and I don't want to expose myself to people in order to get over the need to withdraw. The struggle is real. - Sara
I don't have a single idea for an insightful blog post tonight, and I apologize. I've been so busy with visiting friends in my hometown before I returned to school that I just... didn't come up with a good idea. Wow, this is lame.
To make up for it, I'm gonna do something I've been saving for a time like this. I'm going to list a word and a fact about myself for every letter of the alphabet. It figures that this is another "get to know the blogger" post, but hey, it's something. a -astrology I've been interested in astrology since I was about thirteen years old, but only recently have I really looked into more than just sun signs and compatibility. I think I'd enjoy being an astrologer if I could actually make a career out of it. b - books I learned how to read when I was two years old, and I've loved it ever since! I'm slowly rebuilding my collection of books, but so far, it consists of some of my favorites: The Fault in Our Stars (John Green), The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky), Warm Bodies (Isaac Marion), and Paper Towns (John Green).
c - cat ("I was going to put coffee, but that was too obvious," she says as she uses something equally as obvious) My favorite animal has been a cat for as long as I can remember! I've owned several cats over the years ever since my mom learned that I wasn't allergic to them. People say I'm very catlike, and I've also had this habit of making cat noises since I was very young. Luckily, the only ones that know this are my close friends. d - dreamer I've always had huge dreams of being happy and successful in life. I'm willing to do almost whatever it takes to make it in the world. I guess that's why a few people have mistaken me for Slytherin. That, and I daydream a lot, which can lead to me not paying attention in class or conversations. Oops. e - eat I adore all sorts of food, and there's not much I won't try. I've even eaten a spoonful of hot sauce on a dare. f - favorite I have a lot of favorite things: oversized sweaters, hole-in-the-wall cafés, books and movies that make me think, anything space-themed, thunderstorms, nooks and crannies that I can hide in, and people who notice the smallest things like I do... just to name a few.
g - goals First and foremost, my main goal is to do my best to glorify God in all that I do and be able to enjoy the fruits of a Christian life. I also want to succeed in college and make sure I have a good chance of getting into grad school, should that be in the cards for me. Lastly, I'd like to maintain at least most of the friendships I've made thus far because, well, I don't think I've been this happy before they came into my life. h - hair I've done so much with my hair over the past couple of years. From cutting it all off in my sophomore year of high school and not looking back... to dyeing it all sorts of colors over time (blonde, brown, auburn, red, black, even green)... to shaving the side of my head a few months ago, I'd like to say my head has become my canvas, so to speak. i - introversion Despite my many friends, I am not the biggest people person around. I would much rather spend my time alone or in small groups because large crowds of people exhaust and overwhelm me. I'm not proud to admit that I actually score anywhere from 90-100% introversion every time I take an MBTI test... j - junk I tend to pile all sorts of things on my desk and shelves and in my drawers. When I go through those piles months later, I try to remember why I even have some of the things that I do and get nostalgic when I do remember. k - kiss I can't think of anything else for this letter, so let me just say that I just think kisses are so sweet. Not just in the romantic sense, either – platonic kisses on the cheek or forehead are also great ways of showing you care. Oh, and I also think that Eskimo kisses are the most adorable things in the world. l - life I've always been grateful for being alive. Sometimes, the life I have been given can be too much for me, and I've wished that it could be easier, but I have never once wished I didn't have it at all. After all, if I weren't here now, I wouldn't have been able to say I've begun to find the light at the end of the tunnel! m - morning I'm typically not a morning person. After the alarm goes off, another five or ten minutes pass before I'm willing to get out of bed. Even then, it takes me a good couple of hours and a cup of coffee before I'm fully alert. n - nickname Because of my last name, I've gained many nicknames over the years. I used to find it embarrassing and impersonal, but I'm used to people calling me "Pops" or "Papa" now. I've also realized that if a teacher calls me by some variation of my last name, they usually like me more than teachers that don't. o - observant I notice little things about people – their mannerisms, certain words or phrases they use, and other odd quirks that they have. I archive these things and piece people together with them in my head like jigsaw puzzles. Pretty neat stuff. p - piercings I'm a huge fan of body modification, and I prefer piercings above everything else. Sadly, I don't have many myself – just my nose and ears, and my ears are stretched. Still, I want at least two more. q - quote For the past few years, I've lived by this line from a song quote by my favorite band, All Time Low: "They can take all of me, but they won't ever take what I still believe." I adhere to a set of internal values and beliefs that are quite difficult to shake me from, and I won't do anything that goes against those values. The funny thing is that this line can apply to my life both before and after God came into it because, well, faith in God is above all else, and nobody can take that from me. r - rain My favorite weather condition would probably have to be rain – not hot and muggy rain, and not bone-chilling cold rain, but cool rain that you usually find in March in Mississippi. I don't like walking in it, but I love listening to it and watching it fall from inside while I watch a movie or read a book. There's something about a rainy day that relaxes me like nothing else. s - sleep I mentioned I was quite catlike; this can be seen in my sleeping habits. I don't sleep very much at night, but I love sleeping during the day, and I will sleep for many hours at a time if I get the chance. It's also normal to find me taking naps in all sorts of places because I'm not picky about where I sleep. t - tattoos You can correctly assume that since I love hair dye and piercings that I love tattoos as well. They're much more permanent, but you can paint pretty much your entire life story on your skin with them. I actually just got my first tattoo the other day, believe it or not, when I stayed with Christian. I couldn't be happier with it!
Over the past few years of my life, I've gone through some difficult times. Too much was changing too quickly, and I couldn't turn to anyone because people changed, too, and at the time, I didn't believe in God. In short, I needed a constant, and I found solace in the only thing I knew would stay with me, no matter what – music. This tattoo is my tribute to my love and gratitude to the songs and artists that got me through those tough times because without music... I'm not sure what would have happened. In short, music saves lives... including mine.
u - ukulele I've wanted to learn how to play the ukulele since I was fourteen or fifteen years old. Sadly, I've yet to find anyone to teach me, so when I get the chance, I'm going to invest in one and teach myself. That way, I can serenade someone with acoustic indie songs and win their heart or something. v - voice I've loved to sing for as long as I can remember, and believe it or not, people have told me I have a decent voice. I used to only sing in the car or something until I joined my high school's choir and participated junior and senior year. This past semester, I was a part of Belhaven's concert choir, although I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I also took voice lessons and performed in front of a crowd for the first time! w - water I'm not a particularly strong swimmer, but I still very much enjoy it. The only way you'll find me outside during the summer is if I'm in the pool! There's just something about being surrounded by water and being able to move so much more languidly in it that excites me. I always liked doing handstands and flips in the water because I could never do them on land. x - x-rays This is such a lame choice, but I seriously don't know of anything else for this letter. I've gotten a few x-rays for a variety of things: my teeth (dentist appointments), my wrist (when I had a ganglion cyst in it junior year), and my back (when I started going to the chiropractor for adjustments). y - "yip" My friend Nathan suggested this one, and I figured it was a good idea. Plus, I'm not sure what other words to use anymore. When anyone or anything really startles me, I make this loud, staccato shrieking noise that has been likened to yipping. People laugh at me, and some have called it cute, and still others try to intentionally startle me, and I find it really embarrassing because I don't like being startled so easily. z - zen Despite my jumpiness, I'm actually a calm and collected person in most situations. I work well under pressure, and when my friends are stressing out, I try to keep them calm. I also try not to worry about very much because not a lot is worth my worry and stress, since it's all taken care of in the end. --- I hope you all enjoyed! I promise I'll try to come up with a better post next week. For now, though, I need to sleep before I head back to campus to start my second semester of college! *jumps for joy* Good night and a happy belated New Year to all! - Sara
