Reflection

I know I already posted this week, but I figured I should reflect upon the past year. This is sort of a personal post, and I apologize for bleeding my heartguts on this page to you all. Still, bear with me, okay?

Everyone is saying that 2013 has kind of sucked, but honestly? I think this has been one of the best years that I've had in a long time.

I started my year, unsure of where I was going after high school. The only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted out – out of the town I'd called home for so long that didn't feel like home and out of the situations that I'd been stuck in the middle of because I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was done trying to make those problems my own when I had so many opportunities to make my own life.

I had done a lot of trying to figure myself out, and I had made some great friends during my time in my hometown, but I still felt like something was missing. I felt… empty. I felt as if even though I’d made friends, there was still something inside of me that said, “You’re alone, Sara. Nobody really knows what’s going on. You’re alone, and you’re always going to be if you don’t get out of here.”

So I did. After I graduated and spent what was probably the most terrible summer of my life doing nothing but crying, fighting, and attempting to escape my troubles in ways that I now regret, I left and didn't look back.

Four months later, I can safely say that I've never been happier in my life. Sure, I lost a lot (in terms of both friendships and material possessions), but I've gained so much more that it makes up for it.

I've figured out who my true friends back home are. I can only count all of them on one hand. It’s definitely not a bad thing; I was actually expecting to not have any at all. I've realized that after seeing these people over various holidays that they have helped shape me into who I am today. I'm eternally grateful that they've been here for me and still continue to be here for me, even though i’m busy with another life away from them.

I went to college. That in itself is such a huge feat, since I’m the first person in my immediate family to go to college for more than one semester. I had to work hard for the money that went towards my education (and take out a couple of loans), but it was so worth it.

I’ve been able to do so much soul-searching in my time in school. I thought I knew myself upon leaving home, but I was wrong. Coming to Belhaven and doing what I thought was the last thing I wanted to do – that is, converting to Christianity – has helped me become a much better person. When I arrived home, the habits and people that enabled me to indulge in them didn't feel right anymore. My old life didn't feel right because I'd grown, and it's hard to fit large things in small packages.

I've made so many new friends. I’m baffled because I've never been able to say that I am part of a large group of friends before. I've built relationships with people so different from each other, and we've created such a beautiful bond in such a short time. We’re all a bunch of nerds on the surface, but underneath every one of these people lies a heart that beats for Christ and knows deep down how to be a great person and friend. We've shared so much with each other and helped each other in rough times already, and it's only been a few months. There’s still a lot that nobody knows about me yet, and I’m sure they’ll learn eventually. I know in my heart, though, that they won’t judge me for my past – only make sure that my future with them is better.

All in all, I've lost and gained so much in 2013, and I've become a new person. I hope that 2014 lets me put this character development to good use because I really feel that next year’s going to be great… Especially if I have my friends by my side. It’s a shame that we’re not going to be together until Sunday, but i’m sure all of us are thinking this same thing.

Thank you, 2013. Thank you for being a great year – for making me feel alive instead of like i’m merely existing. It’s been wonderful, but it’s time to say,

“... Goodbye.”